Extrinsic Emotion Regulation: A Way To Gain Emotional Influence On

Extrinsic emotion regulation refers to a fairly familiar process. These are the situations where a person’s support and presence gives you a sense of inner peace, tranquility and well-being. Believe it or not, the psychological gifts that others give you can sometimes be almost addictive reinforcements.

Let us try to understand this better through an example. You probably have a friend who always turns to you when they are facing a problem or having a bad day. Well, in that case, you are more than likely to stop what you are doing and pay attention to them, listen to what is happening, and make them feel comfortable and understood. However, some people turn to others all the time.

Here we are talking about individuals who are “dependent” on emotional support. In fact, some people are unable to deal with their emotional states in any other way than through another person acting as a refuge. It even gets to the point where they say things like, “I do not know what I would have done without you.” So while you may like to help others when they need you, this situation is not 100 percent ideal.

People need to learn to deal with their emotions on their own. After all, we are all responsible for ourselves, it is our job to solve what hurts, find out the origin of our problems and learn regulatory strategies and emotional coping. Relying solely on extrinsic emotion regulation is not the solution.

Let’s dive a little deeper into this topic.

Extrinsic emotion regulation: What does it consist of?

Extrinsic emotion regulation is a relatively new field in studies. Until now, the world of psychology had been very interested in knowing the mechanisms by which people self-regulate their emotional states. However, it seems that we all forgot where social people are, and that there is nothing wrong with seeking support from others.

This model basically starts with Jim Coan’s Social Baseline Theory. This approach states that the brain experiences stress in an isolated way, and that the closeness to species relatives gives us well-being.

Now the framework for extrinsic emotion regulation has nuances you need to learn about.

What does extrinsic emotion regulation refer to?

Extrinsic emotion regulation is a process in which one person affects the other’s emotional state. In addition, it is done consciously, voluntarily and seems to regulate the mood of the other person.

When you go back to the first example, you see that you are responsible for regulating how your friend feels as they go through the tough times.

• This is not a situation where emotional contagion takes place. On the one hand, you are not immersed in the emotional state of the other. On the other hand, the other person is not infected by your emotional state. What you find here is a clear will to regulate how the other person is feeling at the moment.
• It is a deliberate intention. In other words, “I want to try to make them feel better by making them see things from a different perspective.”

Others can affect you emotionally in many ways

So far, we have talked about extrinsic emotion regulation as the ideal mechanism for offering support. However, it is important to keep in mind a small aspect. This regulation can be both positive and negative. In other words, people can intentionally influence others in a bad way and cause discomfort.

For example, imagine telling someone how you feel, and they respond with phrases like, “Well, if you feel bad, I’m feeling worse” or ” You’re always full of problems. You do not seem to know how to cope with your life ” . This type of verbalization can certainly modulate the person’s mood in a negative way.

Now the most complex thing about negative extrinsic emotion regulation is that it is not always as obvious as you might think. Some people can honestly undermine your mood in such a disguised way that you do not even notice it.

It is not good to be dependent on external emotional support

Breaking up with your partner, losing a job, losing a family member and failing in a project are all examples of difficult times. We all go through them and undoubtedly need external emotional support. However, in order to experience real benefits and overcome grief, adversity or vital difficulties, large or small, it is important to learn to favor extrinsic emotion regulation.

If you do not learn to deal with your emotions yourself and are always waiting for others to regulate them for you, you will be trapped by addiction. Expecting others to reduce your discomfort is selfish, don’t you think? You can take advantage of it. But in the end, it will be like putting a warm cloth on a wound: It relieves the pain, but the trauma is still there.

It is your responsibility to deal with and cope with the emotions of everyday life, both good and bad. External support is important for people, and it’s okay to turn to it from time to time. However, you must not get used to it. After all, emotional maturity is about being independent enough to resolve and overcome your own pain.