I Have Stopped Explaining Myself To Those Who Do Not Want To Hear

You do not live to give explanations for everything you do: this is an unnecessary source of stress. It is not necessary that you justify the way you are to those who judge you only because you are different, in order to be unique. He who loves you also respects you. Avoid falling for the culture of “what would they say” and protect your intimacy and your essences.

The characteristic of today’s society is that there are norms for everything: from how you look to what is assumed to be “normally biological”, e.g. such as getting married and having children, etc. The social pressure including the family forces us to have to explain why we do what we do (or what we choose not to do).

An important thing that we should start doing from today is to reflect on how many times we justify ourselves to others. To do it in excess is to fall into unnecessary inconsistencies, sufferings and costs. You are your own judge and have the right to say “no, I do not want to give you explanations because it is certainly not your responsibility.”

Giving explanations: a source of stress

In an interesting article published in ” Psychology today “, they explain that people should learn to resist all those people who dare to ask you about your “important decisions”.

• How come you are not married yet?

• When are you going to calm down and find a good job?
• Why not have another child?

The most difficult thing about these situations is that the judges who value our decisions or “non-actions” are just close relatives, so that the pressure and the feeling of stress becomes even greater.

Reasons why we are forced to explain ourselves

In order to understand the sources of the most common disorders a little better, it is important to be aware of the following factors that we can all identify with.

• A common mistake we usually make is that we are conditioned by the stressful urge to create our existence based on seeking joy from others (especially our family).
• Another aspect one should be aware of is that there are those who make their private lives public, where every action, choice and thought must be said out loud to find acceptance. This is something we often see in our social networks: a “like” is a positive amplifier after posting a picture or a thought.

• The fear of “what the others want to say” is still relevant today. There are those who need to justify and explain everything they do so as not to break out of the controlled circle, where this can be perceived as being different.

Our assertive rights

In a study conducted at the University of Ohio (USA), published in the weekly magazine “Behavior Modification”, it is stated that by developing and applying confident strategies, this improves the health and quality of our social relationships.

We all have clear rights. In other words, you can and should have your own opinions and beliefs, with the rights to evaluate your own feelings and actions and accept them as real even if others do not see them as something good or something that they accept.

Learning to be assertive: it is not always helpful to give explanations

How can we take in and use these components in our daily lives? We invite you to note the following:

• You have the right to give or not to give explanations: we are the ones who are really responsible for what we do, feel and choose. If the others love us and respect us, there should be no reason to give explanations.
• Set boundaries in a diplomatic way: for example, when a family member insists on explaining something he or she has nothing to do with, you can politely set a limit and use simple phrases such as ” it’s my decision”, “because I like it” like this ”,“ because I am happy with my life ”.
• Be aware that giving explanations is often of no use: this is something we just have to accept because there are some who always understand only what they want themselves, and the requirement for an explanation is often in itself a criticism and a way to humble the other on. Learn to ignore empty criticism and not stress. Avoid suffering unnecessarily.