How To Act When Your Child Is Scared
Imagine that you are watching a fantasy movie with your child that is considered suitable for all ages. A few minutes into the movie scares a strange character in the movie your child. What should you do? How to act when your child is scared?
You know it’s just a movie and that what you see is not real. However, the child’s understanding of the world and the ability to reason is not yet fully developed. Therefore, it is a good idea to explain to them that what you are watching or listening to is not real, so it is not a threat.
Imagine that no matter how well you explain to your child that what they see is not real, they are still scared. What should you do next? You can always stop the movie, but remember that their fears are unlikely to go away. It will stick to the brain, either implicitly or explicitly.
Children are afraid of all kinds of things. This fear usually appears at night when everything is dark. For example, many children are afraid to sleep alone. There is also the fear of the unknown, the fear of being out in public, etc. The list goes on, and every child is different.
What to do when a child is scared
Childhood fears are normal and common. Therefore, it is important for the child to feel supported. That way, they trust themselves more and will be able to face the fear. Therefore, the work of parents, teachers, caregivers, mentors and relatives is very important.
Avoid unnecessary fear
It is important not to scare children on purpose. Avoid telling children about the bully, for example. “If you do not ____, the bully will take you” is a terrible strategy to get children to do something. Make sure the child understands that characters in stories, movies and TV series are not real. Emphasize that someone invented them, which means that they do not exist in real life.
Do not minimize children’s fears
Remember to be empathetic. There is no way to get children to see the world through your adult perspective. You have to have compassion for their problems, not minimize them. The most important thing is to make sure not to ridicule them or laugh at them. After all, what may seem funny to you may seem scary to a child.
When a child is scared: Do not make them feel more scared
When a child is scared, you need to make them feel safe. Do not ignore the fear or lie to them. Sincerity and honesty will help your child calm down. Use truth as much as possible so that the child can see that what they are afraid of is not as terrible as it seems.
Do not force them to do things that scare them
If a child is scared, exposing them to what they are afraid of is not the best solution. In fact, it can have the opposite effect and scare them even more. Therefore, do not make them look at something they do not want to look at, pet a dog they do not want to pet, take a roller coaster they dare not take or listen to a scary story they do not want to hear.
When a child is scared: Do not transmit fear to them
Adults have their own fears, and it is very important that they do not transmit them to children. If you think you may not be able to do anything about it (screaming when you see a spider, for example), you need to figure out a coping strategy. Try to face your own fears so that the children in your life do not have to deal with it as well.
Do not insult the child
Children are often afraid of things that seem ridiculous to an adult. It’s easy to start with name calling. “Do not be cowardly” or “Do not be a baby” are very common phrases. This is bad behavior because it makes the child feel less secure and misunderstood.
When a child is scared: Do not leave them alone
It is not a good idea to let a child deal with the fear alone. Sitting alone in a dark room can only increase their anxiety and perpetuate fear.
Do not reinforce their fears
While it is important to be empathetic, you should also avoid doing too much of the things they are afraid of. They need to know that you understand, but exaggerating can make your child believe that the danger is even worse than they originally thought.
When a child is scared: Do not ignore them
Last but certainly not least, never ignore a child who is scared. Be as understanding as possible and find the most logical way to explain the situation and help them deal with it. You can judge the reality of the thing they are afraid of, but not the fear itself. Most of the time it is a completely reasonable reaction, considering how they see the world.
How you should act
Here are some ideas that may help you practice the previous points:
- Empathy. As we mentioned above, it is important to talk honestly with the child. Show them that it is not so bad to be afraid and that they can overcome fear.
- Support. Give your understanding and support. Help them as much as you can.
- Rationalization. When talking to children, rationalize the situation as much as possible.
- Ro. If you stay calm, you will help your child do the same.
- Be united. Try to be closer to them than ever so they know you want to be there anyway.
These strategies can help you respond appropriately when a child is scared. Remember that it is best to talk to a specialist if their fears become stronger or prolong over time.
