People Who “need To Be Loved” Rarely Find What They Are Looking For
Few sources of suffering are as exhausting as when you lack or need love. Sometimes it becomes an obsessed hope to always receive something in return, even if it is the leftovers… People who need to be loved above all else or who are willing to sacrifice everything, are the ones who will always settle for less than they deserve and look for love in the wrong places.
We know it’s the same old story. We may have experienced it ourselves, overcome it and put it behind us. It is clear that few sentences are heard so often in our daily lives. Whether at dinner with friends, in the psychologist’s office or in the car while listening to the radio: “… but I just want to be loved!”
It must be said that it does not help us to answer the person by saying: “There is always someone who loves you: that person is you.” This does not work. Some people do not know how to love themselves when the feeling of emptiness is so great and the need is immediate, blind and desperate.
They lack more than just the patience to sit with the person reflected in the mirror, talk to her and convince her that nothing makes sense without self-love.
Perhaps this is one of the greatest psychological and emotional efforts we go through: making people, especially teenagers, see that love cannot exist out of necessity. “I love you because I need you” is rooted in fear, and it is not healthy. Good love is the very expression of freedom, personal fulfillment and well-being.
Everyone wants to be loved, but to get it, we reject our freedom
We all know the theory, but we are distracted in our daily lives . Having to be loved rejects our personal growth. It makes us trapped by the wrong people, the ones we cling to. We hope that they are our salvation that gives meaning to every void that marks our hearts and senses.
But why do these behaviors become chronic? Why is it still clear that it is they who continue to feed their need to be loved? Here are some of the reasons.
- Those who are obsessed with being loved generally do not have a reference model on which to base themselves. It is common for their childhood family dynamics to be based on the wrong attachment style. They are taught that love, far from nurturing strengths and self-esteem, causes serious shortcomings.
- People who need to be loved more have to settle for much less. This allows them to accept everything that comes to them without evaluating or filtering it. They will force themselves into that relationship like a square stick in a round hole. They will do almost anything to be worthy, to receive love, attention and consideration. But by not achieving it, their holes become larger and their need to be loved will become more intense.
- They live in continuous opposition. This fact is undoubtedly striking and devastating to the person suffering from it. As we have pointed out, we all know that the obsessive and constant need to be loved and recognized is not healthy.
But there are those who do not know anything about it. Some people return to relationships of the same size, shape and color even when they have a broken heart and dignity, because that is all they know. They feel that they can receive what they are missing from the outside instead of finding it in themselves.
The importance of not “needing”
Everyone has “needs” or important ambitions: a good job, a bigger house and even a little more luck in life. These are light, empty and anecdotal “needs” that rarely generate addiction or acquire any depth. We are aware that our daily lives could have been a little better if we had achieved these ambitions, but they do not occupy us: we understand that they are desires rather than needs.
It is a good idea to correct your terminology and live honestly according to them. Instead of “needing” to be loved, we “want” to be loved . We do not have to “find” love, but “allow” love to find us.
Let us allow fate, chance or life to bring us closer to that special person. We do not stop taking care of our inner garden. Find joy in loneliness without clinging to an impossible ideal or putting an empty bowl in front of others and expecting them to fill it.
Therefore, we take care of our own love by feeding our own share of recognition and devotion. We do not allow ourselves to be abused, which prevents us from giving up our dignity and makes us feel loved.
