Keep The People Who Matter To You

People go through life surrounded by concentric circles of intimate relationships  with varying closeness and in different types of relationships. The purpose of the relationship may be to find a source of important and meaningful information, a stable support for personal development or simply a source of social well-being.

Think, for example, of the button on a shirt. If the threads that attach it to the fabric break, the button will fall off. Something similar happens with friendship, even though the threads that bind our hearts together are more complex and develop according to needs, desires and expectations.

Friendships, like all bonds between people, are not static. They have a dynamic that makes them develop, and what surrounds them must be adapted. Sometimes, however, the changes are so great and so negative that the thread breaks and the button disappears.

These losses almost always leave traces in the form of nostalgia, as if they were irrefutable proof that we are no longer who we once were. However, we must not let this nostalgia confuse us, especially when these conditions become selfish and create a cloud of coldness around them.

To cling to something that no longer works

An attachment to a human being can be harmful when it causes you to remain in a relationship that is based on something that once was, but is no longer. Or when a handful of good memories make you stick to a strenuous routine full of disappointment. The relationship has become an illusion and now only creates conflicts. Then it does not deserve more time than it has already received.

It is not distance and problems that weaken the love or the quality of relationships. Nor is it routine, which only transforms the relationship into something familiar to enjoy, but prevents you from fully appreciating how the other person’s company complements you and improves your daily well-being.

Relationships weaken because one or both parties stop taking care of the relationship.  This process is further enhanced when you feel that you are moving apart. Unless you submit to the myth of stability and the emotional blackmail it entails, your existence will naturally evolve, and so will your circumstances.

If you insist on using force to maintain something that has already ended in a natural way, you will only mess with both your own feelings and those of others. You want to spend your life clinging to it, and it will not be the same as finding real meaning in life.  You need something that will enrich both you and the relationship.

We have been taught to hold on, not to let go

As the controversial  Osho  says, it is sometimes impossible to learn if you do not let go of everything you have learned before. This does not mean a form of temporary  stupidity  or madness, just that you should stop trying to understand or direct your attention to things that are related to your intellectual, social and moral development.

In social psychology, the principle of equality states that partners and friends who are more equal are more likely to establish stable relationships. Only people who share your values ​​will be able to have a close relationship with you in the long run.

You have to find what you need. Do not rest on your laurels with things that do not hurt you, but also do not satisfy you. Some people need to get out of your life so others can really offer you their company. No drama, no trauma. Accept that changing conditions are a natural process, just like when  your skin  renews itself.

To achieve this, you must challenge what you have previously learned about  love :  love is not that someone holds you, it is when you want to stay.  Both with your partner and with your friends. Both with the books you read and with the job to which you devote your time.

Sometimes you just have to feel your gut feeling. Stick to those who mean something, and let go of those who do not contribute anything, even if you have spent a lot of time with them and see the discomfort as a kind of routine.

Once you have become wiser and no longer hurt, you will be able to make sure that you can grow and develop surrounded by people who actually want to be in your life. People you can discuss with, who have different views, without you having to be afraid to say something wrong. Let them trust you, because you can trust them in your life.