Sibling Rivalry: When The Elder Is Deposed

Sibling rivalry is relatively common and normal in children. When a sibling is born, the firstborn, suddenly, with a brushstroke, is no longer the ruler of the house. Now they have to share the throne with someone else, someone who seems to demand more attention and get more admiring glances and smiles. Someone to compare yourself to.

When a child loses the coveted position where they felt so safe and loved, it scares them. They are afraid of losing their privileged place, where everyone noticed them, protected them and loved them. The sure love begins to feel threatened.

After being deposed, the child begins to think that they are no longer important to their parents. They want to get the same attention that their new little siblings get. This is the start of an endless battle for attention.

When a sibling is born, it is the end of the world

When a younger sibling is born, the firstborn baby begins to feel frustrated and powerless. Terrible, catastrophic thoughts begin to run through their minds. They begin to believe that they do not deserve the love they once received.

Now it feels like they have to compete for that love. They need to do something to get back to the level of well-being and attention they used to receive without trying.

Normally, this level of jealousy between siblings begins to disappear as they get older. But it becomes a problem when the jealousy, which is logical to a certain degree, does not go away and instead gets worse.

There are other variables that may play a role here. In fact, many parents often end up giving the jealous child more attention, but it is still not enough for them. They get used to getting it their way and receive certain privileges that they otherwise would not have received.

It is important to understand that all cases are different. Some children are already prone to jealousy. Some children only have tantrums when they have a new sibling. For some children, the birth of a sibling is triggered or occurs at the same time as an emotional disorder in the parents. Each family and situation is unique.

Understand the origins of sibling rivalry

As each case is unique, the origins of sibling revival will also vary. It may have to do with the child’s personality, or the parents’ affective style. It can also be a result of the family’s emotional state when the child arrives.

When parents understand why their firstborn is so upset, they can respond more effectively. The child needs empathy. They have their own feelings and are just as worthy of respect as everyone else, no matter how young they are. But parents can not allow these feelings to cause more suffering and chaos in the family.

The child must be reprimanded for his outbursts of rage against his younger siblings, whether you do so by taking away some attention or just giving them attention and approval for good behavior.

It is important to recognize, value and reinforce everything they do that shows cooperation and self-confidence. Because this is really what they are asking for, even if they do not say it out loud. They want to feel safe and secure in themselves and their environment.

Create an emotionally stable environment

Unstable, ever-changing environments throw a child’s emotional development into chaos. Therefore, parents should, as much as possible, create a healthy environment where the child can feel confident in how much they are loved. Children often learn by imitation.

That is why it is so important to instill values ​​in them that they can use in their interpersonal interactions. Values ​​such as solidarity and being happy on behalf of other people. Instead of looking at their peers’ performance with anger and envy, they will see that it does not affect their own safety. As a result, their worldview will change and become healthier. And there will be less sibling rivalry.

It will be difficult for the child to be happy with his siblings if the parents ignore their achievements. Instead, they will constantly compare themselves to the “robber of the throne”. Children feel safer in an environment where their positive qualities are valued, rather than one where their mistakes are always pointed out. Parents should praise their healthy behavior and try to put out maladaptive behaviors that can lead to disorders.