Neglect Is The Most Lasting Wound

Neglect from your partner, or from your parents in your childhood, or even from society itself, creates wounds that cannot be seen, but which we throbbing feel every single day. Because it becomes like a torn root, a broken bond that was previously used to feed our emotions and give us security.

That said, neglect is not just something that happens in the event of a physical absence. The most common form of neglect is emotional. It may be that someone is disinterested, apathetic and cool towards the person being neglected. This is something that every child will perceive, and it will of course end up crushing every adult.

It is often said that in order to understand what it means to be neglected, “one must have been neglected.” However, it is a feeling no one deserves, because with each absence, we lose a part of ourselves, and no one should have to go through this form of suffering.

The psychological consequences of experiencing neglect in one’s first years are generally quite serious. Although each child handles this differently, it is normal for the trauma to leave traces,  and traumatic experiences cannot be cured by the passage of time. They must be handled by actively trying to process them. It is a close and personal battle that many people are experiencing right now in this moment…

Neglect: A drifting boat filled with absence 

The feeling of neglect can manifest itself in many forms. We become driving boats when, for example, we lose our jobs and do not find a way into the job market again. We remain stranded, like children who have passed away and been abandoned by their mother at an early age, or like a man who one day comes home from work only to discover that the house is empty and that the woman he loved has disappeared.

There is an interesting site called ” Abandonment.net ” where anyone who needs it can express their personal experience associated with neglect. For many people, it is therapeutic to have the opportunity to share these experiences. In most of these confidences,  the first thing that is seen is the trauma that took place at a very young age:  the fact that their mother or father died, having an alcoholic parent, or the fact that they have practically had to cope on their own through growing up.

The fact is that having been exposed to some form of neglect in childhood is crucial. To such an extent that experts say it is like a second birth. If the first birth was painful but uplifting, the second birth implies having to be “reborn” in a world where we feel loved, where we must learn to appreciate ourselves by cutting the umbilical cord that connects us with a heart, feelings and needs that may be satisfied…

Consequences associated with emotional neglect

When it comes to the consequences associated with a traumatic psychological dimension, it is important to keep in mind that there are large variations here. Not everyone absorbs or expresses their pain in the same way. Either way, we can summarize it this way.

• Being exposed to neglect in childhood often leads to difficulties in establishing stable relationships in adulthood. It is common to struggle with trust issues, to feel vulnerable, or even to go through periods of apathy, where it is very challenging to deal with emotions such as anger or sadness.

• When a person has been neglected by a partner, or by society itself, that person may end up “sabotaging” themselves by thinking, for example, that they do not deserve to be happy or loved, that they have not some talents or that it is no longer worth fighting for their own dreams, for there is nothing more that can be done.

• Problems with being dependent on others also show up, a need for recognition and approval. They end up giving too much of themselves to others, with a feeling later that what they got back was not the same as what they invested.

• It is also common to suffer from certain “emotional memories”. Sometimes someone or something reactivates the feelings of neglect, and then the whole world of the one who has once been neglected is paralyzed again. 

All of these things are signs of severe post-traumatic stress disorder that need to be addressed.

How to heal the wound neglect has created?

The wound of neglect must be healed by paying extra attention to self-esteem and the like, being able to forgive and free oneself from the past in the same way as someone who cuts off the thread of a very dark balloon and lets it fly of place. Obviously, however, this is a very difficult step to implement.

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EDMR), for example, tends to be very effective  in detecting and modifying traumatic childhood memories. This allows the person to release mind and body to open their heart and offer it the right emotional relief.

• Experts in traumatic experiences, for their part, emphasize the importance of learning to communicate emotional needs. Through harsh words, the injured person can connect with those around them who can help and support them, and thus help to establish relationships that feel safe.

Something as essential as learning to take care of ourselves, to prioritize ourselves every day and to gradually disconnect from the mind and disgust, will allow us to be prisoners of yesterday’s wounds. Our memory  can not erase the sadness of the past, but it can give it peace and quiet, like seeing a river flowing past: everything happens, through the coldest and darkest rocks being left at the bottom, and the water flowing clear and clean over them. We can start again…