Choosing The Right Punishment Is Not Easy
Your two-year-old has a tantrum and hits you. How should you react? The truth is that many parents in such situations are unable to control their impulses. They end up screaming, threatening, and even being physical with their child. But is that the solution? No not at all.
The child needs some kind of punishment for their behavior, there is no doubt about this. But what kind of punishment? Choosing the right punishment and doing it right is not easy. But read on and find out how!
All inappropriate behavior must have a consequence
When it comes to bad behavior, parents react in all sorts of different ways. On the one hand , we can be overly lenient and not discipline them at all. We usually do this to avoid possible tantrums when the child does not get what they want.
But in the long run, this is counterproductive, since children get used to getting what they demand. The most important thing is that they understand that they can not get everything they want. They should understand that they get things when they behave well and communicate well with their parents.
Therefore, when a child behaves badly, there must be a consequence. This can be in the form of ignoring the child or using punishment. If we use the latter, we must make sure that it does not cause physical or mental harm to the child. Physical punishment is not a good idea. Nor is it to scream, threaten or humiliate the child.
What is “good” punishment?
If the rule they broke or the disruptive behavior is small, extinction may be sufficient. But if what the child has done is more serious, or if they consistently do not listen, the punishment should be in accordance with their age and development. The idea would be to make them understand that behaving badly does not lead anywhere.
In addition , the punishment must be related to the rule that has been broken. That way, the child thinks about what they did wrong. It should not last long, otherwise they will end up getting too much attention, which is counterproductive.
From five to six, we can explain the punishment rationally and help them accept it. A positive effect of this way of doing things is that it improves the child’s communication and negotiation skills.
We also show the child that we as parents have the right to be treated properly. We help them understand the rules we agree on at home. Of course, these rules must be fair to all parties involved.
Finally, the punishment must have as much restorative character as possible . That is, the goal should be for the child to somehow make up for what they have done wrong. The punishment would ideally be related to the behavior we do not want them to repeat. This will reduce guilt and actually strengthen the family.
How to give punishment properly
Now that we know what punishment should and should not be, let’s talk about how we put it into practice. First of all, it is important that the child knows what the rules are and what the punishment will be.
When we impose the punishment, we must continue until the end. This is an important point, because if the parents fail, they lose their effectiveness. When the child sees that threats are not carried out, then they will understand that following the rules is not necessary, after all. Therefore, parents must be consistent and control their impulses.
To do this , we must try to control our anger and come up with a proper punishment that will not harm the child, but will make them think. We should calmly communicate the negative consequences. As a result, the child will experience love and acceptance instead of rejection. Giving the right punishment is a challenge, but if you follow this advice, you are on the right track!
Photos courtesy of Andrik Langfield, Gerome Viavant and Rene Bernal.
