Do Not Say This To A Person Affected By Anxiety
What do you say to someone who is affected by anxiety? How do you react to the fact that someone you love is about to have a panic attack? People are quick to tell them to “calm down” and not worry. However, the effect of such words will be the opposite of what you expect. Yes, even if you have their best interests at heart.
Anxiety is not something a person can control whenever they want. This is because the anxious brain is different. There is no on / off button. In fact, the mechanism is much more subtle. Thus, the only thing you do with such advice is to push them further and make them uncomfortable.
Albert Ellis points out in his book How to Make Yourself Happy that anxiety is a form of mental anguish. It is quite intense and destructive and completely limits the human potential. An interesting thing here is that the first step to better manage it is not to block it, but to accept its presence. This is because emotional pain is a part of who people are, and no one is exempt from it.
When confronted with a person affected by anxiety, try not to tell them that they need to relax. Do not tell them not to be so obsessed and stop worrying. Never tell them that what they are feeling is not real. Such phrases will only block communication. Thus, you do not get to hear exactly what is happening to them.
Do not tell anyone who is affected by anxiety that they should not worry
A person affected by anxiety wants to calm down. If there is one thing they want to do, it is to stop and feel a sore stomach. Why would anyone want to feel muscle tension and tachycardias ? The noise of disturbing thoughts that are difficult to control is not a good feeling. This is why people who go through this psychological reality often feel that they are about to have a heart attack. Either that, or that they are about to lose their mind.
Telling someone who is affected by anxiety that they do not have to worry is like telling a drowning person that they need to get out of the water. They can not help it, and in reality they need a more valid kind of help from you. There is something else you need to pay attention to: anxiety often appears without warning. Thus, it will not necessarily be under stress in a tough situation.
In fact, the anxiety demon arises in the most innocent and unsuspecting situations. In addition, when it happens, it is quite common for someone close to them to insist that there is nothing to worry about. That everything is in order and that they do this against themselves.
As you can see, such proposals only aggravate the situation.
Less advice and more empathy
Do not tell a person with anxiety that they should not worry. Do not ask them to relax and wake up and smell the coffee. There is a simple reason why you should not do either of these two things. The anxiety brain will not listen because it is as if it is in alert mode. It is not able to process orders, proposals and well-meaning advice. If you do, you will soon realize the uselessness of your advice. If there’s one thing an anxious person expects from you, it’s empathy.
The best course of action is sometimes to say nothing. It is enough to be there for them and let them know that they can trust you for what they need. There will soon be a chance to look for appropriate strategies. Sometimes it’s best to be someone’s lighthouse. To be a fortress of balance in front of those who cope with tides, crises and storms.
A study conducted by the psychopharmacological department at the University of Chemin de Ronde in Paris, says that the brain of a person with anxiety is under control of cortisol, epinephrine and norepinephrine. It also says that it is very difficult to think in such a state, so some advice in these circumstances is of little use.
What should I tell someone who is affected by anxiety?
If you are wondering what it is good to say to someone affected by anxiety, the answer is simple: say less, do more. Instead of giving well-meaning advice, observe and be around. Try to understand what they are going through. Understand more than anything that there are many types of anxiety. What works for one person may not be good for another.
Thus, it is best to ask things like “How can I help you?” or “I know you’re under stress right now, and it seems like it’s hard to control, so let’s breathe in the meantime.” Sometimes it is enough for a person to have a close, calm and reassuring presence. Later, you may be able to help them seek help, but in the meantime, you should just be there and give love and empathy. It’s easier than it looks.
