How To Leave A Toxic Relationship?

Toxic relationships between partners. It happens every day, all over the world, regardless of country, level of education or age. Almost unconsciously, we fall into situations where our rights as human beings are constantly violated.

The right to choose, to be ourselves, to live in integrity and happiness. But why is it happening? The truth is that when it comes to love, no one has a manual with perfect instructions and answers to every question. Being in love means that we are distracted by a series of emotions so intense that it becomes very difficult, at times, to maintain balance and perspective.

It is also very common for the same person to put themselves through more than one toxic relationship in their lifetime. Does this mean that maybe someone has the profile as a “victim”? As a person who can be easily manipulated?

The truth is that we can not confirm that theory. At the very least, we should not just see the toxic person solely as the “male role” or the victim always the “female role”. The manipulator, the person who directs, punishes and abuses, can easily fall into either the male or female category. It is important that we take this into account, regardless of the fact that in these cases it is undoubtedly more common for women to end up being the focus of the abuse.

It is therefore important that we understand the measures to be taken to leave a toxic relationship and move on. For our general well-being, and for our emotional health.

The reason we do not understand that we are in a toxic relationship

It is possible that you know someone in your inner circle, who is currently in a toxic relationship. You may be well aware of this fact, but he or she is not; d e do not see what you see. And no matter how much we try to show them that what they are experiencing is far from normal, the person refuses to admit this fact.

Why is this happening? Basically, because of the following:

• We believe our partner can change. That what we go through is temporary, and because they love us, sooner or later, their behavior will improve. This means that we create an “idealized” image of the other person that does not relate to reality.

• The person being manipulated usually has very low self-esteem. It is possible that the person was strong-willed and self-assured before becoming part of the toxic relationship. But over time, they have become vulnerable and deeply hurt, and in the end they believe this is how they must live.
• We regularly end up as prey for extortion. Maybe yesterday the person humiliated you and made you cry, but today they have asked for forgiveness with tears in their eyes, and you feel that you can not just turn your back on them…
• Fear of loneliness, being abandoned or rejected. Despite the fact that we were in a toxic relationship, we believe that it is better to feel it “this way” than to be alone. This is something that happens often, although this may seem surprising.
• Fear of the consequences of leaving the toxic person. There is usually fear of how the other person will react, and perhaps it is even a violent component to consider.

Strategies for leaving a toxic relationship

1. Be aware of. No one can overcome a problem if they first do not understand that there is a “wall” in their life. It must be considered, because love is the biggest contributing factor to our blindness. Sometimes love can be so blind and unconditional that it is difficult to accept that it removes us from our rights and integrity.
2. Say no to fear. Fear is the biggest obstacle we have to overcome. If you do not feel strong enough to do it alone, ask for help. Whether it’s from a friend, a colleague, a family member who supports you, social services or a professional healthcare professional. We understand that each couple is their own special universe. Your partner may not be violent, but you are still afraid of the possibility of ending up alone. However, loneliness is preferable to being in this type of relationship.
3. Invest all your energy in yourself. You’ve spent way too much time caring for another person. You have been like a small satellite orbiting a planet that has not contributed anything. It’s time to move on, find your own horizon, and find new illusions and dreams that are your own,  something we all deserve.

Leaving a toxic relationship is possible, but requires bravery and good self-esteem. But we are all capable of achieving that – it’s right within your reach, and it’s up to you whether you take the opportunity to turn the key and open a door that will lead to your new happiness.

Photo: Viaska, John Cotmann