How To Talk To Children About Separation?

British critic and author Graham Greene said: “There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and the future enters.” Now that door exists, but it can sometimes be opened too quickly. For example, as parents we may not always know how to talk to children about impending separation because they may be too young and too innocent for it.

A separation is a delicate situation that also affects children. One of the biggest concerns that parents have when they are separated is to tell their children about it. When should you do it and what words should you use? And perhaps more importantly, how do you answer your questions? Psychologist Monica Cruz, an authority in this area, gives some good advice on how to tell children about a separation.

Come to an appointment in advance

It is a good idea for the parents to be divorced to agree on what to tell the children. Furthermore, they should tell them about the separation together, if possible. It is important for parents to practice beforehand.

It is important to be calm, even if the situation becomes difficult. In fact, if one of you starts to lose patience, it’s best to end the conversation another time.

Tell the children the truth about separation

It is best to avoid lying. Children are generally egocentric (especially before the age of 6 or 7). As such, they tend to blame themselves for what happens to them. It is very important that you explain what is going on in clear and concrete terms. This will make it less likely that children will come up with a story in their head to explain the information they do not have.

Trust above all

A separation is never easy, but it is important that children feel confident in their parents’ words. This is the best way for them to understand that the decision is final.

Cruz suggests that you tell your children that when you were together you loved each other dearly, and therefore you decided to start a family. Yet, as time went on, you did not fit in as well as you used to. You eventually realized that you could not be happy together.

Do not degrade the ex-girlfriend by a separation

It is very important not to degrade your ex-girlfriend. You can tell your children that you have been arguing a lot lately. But that does not mean you should insult or blame your partner.

If you degrade them, all you do is complicate the situation further. This information does not help anyone. What’s worse, it can be misinterpreted by the child and cause tension. Do not say things like “He wants me to go” or “She leaves me”.

Explain that you both did everything you could

It is not a bad idea to tell your children that you have tried everything. By that, you both mean that both parties tried to keep the family together, but that in the end it did not work.

In this way, one can help the children to accept that the separation was not an impulsive decision. If they believe that it is, they may believe that there is a way to reverse it. That is why it is so important to tell them the truth. They will understand that you have come to this conclusion, and that this is the best solution for everyone.

Several points to consider when separating

It is important for your children to understand the following:

• They are not guilty of what happened. Things just did not work out the way you thought they would.
• They may cry and express their feelings. They do not have to pretend that nothing is happening.
• It is also important to ask their opinion. You can even ask if they suspected it as things had not been good for a while.

You must also explain what will happen in the near future. In other words, whether you want to continue to be a family and how much time they will spend with mom or dad. This will reduce their uncertainty.

Finally, it is important to ask and verify if the children understand everything. If they have questions, it is important for them to ask what they are wondering about.

As you probably understand, it is not easy to talk to children about an impending separation. They may go into a state of denial, get angry or say nothing at all. Whatever the case, it is important for them to understand that their parents will always be there for them.