To Love Without Addiction Is The Mature Way To Love

To love without addiction is to love without being overly needy. It is to freely and consciously give oneself to another person. It is to be part of a project in which there are no losers. A project where you do not have to let go of your identity and where there is no room for narcissistic behavior.

It is quite possible to have relationships like this. All you need are clear boundaries and a clear understanding of certain principles. In this type of relationship, the most important thing is not how much your partner loves you, but how he or she loves you.

Before we go into more detail on this , we should be clear on what we mean when we talk about connection. From an ethological perspective, nothing is more important to humans (and especially newborns) than this emotional bond. It is an intense and long-lasting bond that is essential for human development. It is the impression that healthy love has on you and helps you develop and build your personality.

Romantic love and attachment

From the perspective of a romantic relationship, on the other hand, attachment means something completely different. It is clear that we all need a secure foundation and to know that our partner is there for us. We all need to know that we are loved and that there are certain obligations and agreements that underlie and that strengthen the relationship. Nevertheless, “attachment” in this perspective often implies a situation that is characterized by fear and insecurity.

Building a romantic relationship on attachment means that our partner needs us just as a child needs his parents. That is, a person is highly dependent on his partner for confirmation and to find his place in the world. This is an immature form of love based on need, fear and addiction.

To love without addiction

Making love without developing a certain addiction is not easy. This is because most of us are used to making love with reservations. We want lovers and partners who adapt to us. We want them to fill the emptiness we feel and drive away our loneliness. They will repair the parts of us that are broken, but also give us wings we can fly on with. We want everything, but often forget the most important thing. Namely to start with ourselves.

No one else is responsible for saving you. There is no one else who will reconstruct your life and transform you into the person you have always wanted to be. That responsibility is yours and yours alone. Nevertheless, we have expected to reach out to our partners in the hope that they will make us feel complete. We want them to meet all our needs. This form of psychological and emotional dynamics is largely a result of the society we grow up in.

Mature love is not about owning or being dependent on others

From a very young age we are indoctrinated with the idea that happiness is associated with having or owning certain things. This not only leads to a stressful emotional reality, but also to us always walking around with the feeling that we are missing or have missed something. As a result, our lives are shaped around the idea that we should collect things in the hope that they will make us happy. We almost develop an obsessed connection to things, ideas and people. We believe that we can give our lives meaning in this way.

This form of attachment is harmful. It makes you an eternal slave to whatever you think you are missing or missing. You begin to need things and people, not out of real needs, but as a reaction to social and emotional impulses. It is a blind mechanism that leads to fear and pain.

Is this form of existence something to aspire to? No, of course not. Realizing this will make you better able to enter into, and create, healthy relationships. You will also have a happier and more fulfilling life, without addiction.

How to love without anxiety or attachment problems?

Love based on dreams and not on needs means loving another person for who they are and not for how you wish they were. It is to love another person in the same way that you love the sun, the moon and the stars. They can never belong to you and you should not wish that they did. But, you appreciate that they are there every day. That they inspire you, give off their light and keep you company on your journey. The fact that you can not own them does not mean that you can not enjoy them.

Let’s take a closer look at some strategies for how to love without attachment and have a relationship without addiction.

Mark where you stand and start with yourself!

• Declare yourself emotionally free! Understand that you do not need others to be happy. You should be able to be happy alone, with yourself. You should be able to see yourself as valuable and worthy.
• Declare yourself free from attachment. Free yourself from the fear of being abandoned. Free yourself from the anxiety and worry that you will end up alone. Step by step, solve all your problems with attachment (ideals, plans, inherited misconceptions). Give yourself the opportunity to be able to give yourself to another person. Not to fill a need or to escape loneliness, but from a place of freedom.

Love without dependence, attachment or need

• Remember that poisoned love does not just mean the need to own another person. It is also the inability to let go of the person when this bond has become harmful.

• To love means that one is very aware of what “love without borders” actually means. It means suffering, depression, jealousy, addiction, emotional chaos and low self-esteem.
• To love means to invest in your personal growth, but also to allow the person you love to grow and develop. It is giving the other space to just be, which in turn will enrich the relationship.

It should be entirely possible for you to build a relationship based on free exchange, to love without addiction. Such a relationship should be free from insecurity and anxiety. It is a bond of love that is free from need characterized by obsession. In its place is strength and generosity, a result of mutual understanding and trust.

You know you are loved so you can leave the other person alone, without addiction. I trust the person who chose me. I trust that they chose me for who I am and not to keep the ghost of loneliness at bay…