Why Is It So Hard To Forget An Old Flame?

It may feel impossible to forget an old flame, like trying to split a mountain in two. Ultimately, some memories are impenetrable to rust. Some stories and experiences are written in a moment of passion, like a kind of magic that leaves permanent marks on your mind.

No matter how much you may want to, it is impossible to erase love from the past because it has also helped you become who you are today.

Lebanese writer Khalil Gibran once wrote that your  heart must break at some point to open itself to the truth. It can really be true that love is something you have to “learn to do”. In fact, broken hearts may have infinite wisdom in the ruptured veins that pass through them.

In the end, there is only one thing that seems undeniable. No matter how much disappointment or joy you have experienced, your brain will never forget that it was once in love. It does not matter how many recipes, recommendations or sophisticated strategies people give you to delete a loved one from your mind. It’s going to work.

You can not just forget the things you have experienced. You simply have to accept the absence of that person and what has happened (and what did not happen). It will also allow you to open yourself up to learn new lessons and experience new things.

It is impossible for your brain to let go of an old flame

Recovering from a relationship and putting an end to it is often necessary. That’s good for both of you. You both want to keep your dignity and avoid hurting each other more than necessary.

As people often say, ending a relationship on time is the best way to stay healthy. Whether you both agree that it’s time to separate teams, or just one of you wants to, the suffering can be enormous.

There are studies that show that in general, it  takes people 6-18 months to recover from a fracture. It is impossible to forget an old flame because you can not control your own memories. What you can do, however, is regulate the emotional impact they have on you, and use the grieving process to work through your emotions and this new reality.

We all know that love is intense, and often chaotic and messy emotionally. No two conditions are the same, and in the same way it is easier for some to recover from the pain that comes with a fracture than for others. Whatever the case, it’s unlikely you’ll really  forget  an old flame. Your brain simply does not work that way. Let’s take a look at why this is so.

Emotional memories and somatic markers

Humans are basically emotional beings who once learned to use logic and reasoning. Our emotions are like the puzzle pieces we attach to each other. It is thanks to them that we are able to bond with others, take care of each other, perceive dangers, and find our own well-being.

• All of this explains why love is so important to our brains. It is the comfortable fabric that makes you feel safe and secure in a romantic relationship. Loving and being loved can give you a sense of peace and reduce stress and fear. This is why things like betrayal, disappointment or an unexpected or unwanted breakup can be so painful.
• You must also have an emotional memory in mind. When you have a bond like this with someone, your brain creates lots of somatic markers. These are experiences that the brain associates with strong emotional things such as kisses, caresses, hugs, smells, conversations, intimate moments, etc. All of this leaves an imprint of well-being, happiness, hope and joy.

• These emotional somatic markers are created in the form of lasting neural connections. They will simply always be there. This is why getting a little breath of a specific smell or seeing a place can take you back right away. But not only to your memories, it can also take you back to what you felt at that time.

Some old flames represent a part of you and your story

There is a very good reason why it is difficult to forget an old flame. After all, if you could erase them from your mind, it would be like erasing a part of yourself. As humans, we are made of more than just skin and bones. Our stories are also a big part of us.

It is precisely because of this that you will notice that the person you were at that time is so attached to the memories of the old flame. It’s a younger version of you with a twinkle in your eye, drowned in the passion of another person. Your brain would never ever forget this former self.

Doing so would be like taking a step back in terms of personal growth. Everything you have seen, felt and suffered from has shaped you into who you are today. Forgetting some of this would be like removing an entire chapter of your life story.

For better or worse, this is who you are. The best part, though, is that it’s not over yet. You always have the opportunity to write better stories for yourself. Ultimately, love is always worth the effort and all the joy it can bring.